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Guest

The Collaring Ceremony

I was wondering as I often am, how others ways are included in this old tradition? I am pretty passionate about this particular thing for a variety of reasons, but the most important is simply because I love it. No seriously. I LOVE it! It is the most special tradition in D/s that I know of. If someone knows of something more important and special than this one thing, I sure would like to know.

Just how much more profound can one get than pledging their life to their owner?

So just my own thoughts on this tradition… In my own mind I equate it to the western marriage ceremony. In fact a lot of traditions from the traditional wedding ceremony get their roots in the D/s collaring ceremony and vice versa. For instance the older tradition of binding the wrists? I can’t absolutely confirm it as most people from this area are not old enough to remember but I believe in my heart this originated from the D/s tradition of the same. I do know that many of the things traditionally said in the wedding ceremony are from D/s.

I have paid witness to exactly 2 of these over my limited years in this lifestyle. And been directly involved in one of course. One of those was with my own mistress to her Sunny very recently. That one had a lot of my own influence as did my own. So my one outside exposure to another’s ceremony was so exhilarating. I don’t have permission to post about that one but I will say beautiful and very well organized. But that is why I post this. I would LOVE to hear about others ways. And having said that I suppose I need to share a little about my own, right?

Well I am only allowed to share so much because it is a private thing that we both hold very sacred. Tina is a very private person online, so I do have to keep this simple. I hope you will understand.

Mine occurred July 23, 1999. The same day as our simple civil ceremony that declared our consummation legal as far as the state was concerned. That was the only reason for that (legal reasons which I won’t get into here). Obviously the collaring was more important to us then even as it is now. It was in our backyard under an archway of flowers and was overseen by my current mentor. Much like a wedding we wore formal clothing (but not too formal). There was some words said which I can’t go into other than ending in “from now until forever”. There was then the binding of the wrists and the kiss. Oh the KISS! Still blows my mind even today after all these years lol!

I was then presented with a collar. This is not the traditional collar that the Internet will have you believing that submissives must always be wearing lol. I can just see me in public with that thick black leather about the neck with the big ring in front lol. No it is a simple pure gold chain with a medallion. On it is the words I stated above “from now until forever” and on the front is another thing which is unique to Tina. I can’t speak about that, but just know it is a beautiful thing. There was then one last thing involving thorny roses and then we signed a contract together. Afterwards there was a reception. All this was followed by something of a honeymoon in Ireland. So not that much different than a wedding.

Please let me know how yours went. Or if it isn’t official yet, what you would hope it would be.

Regards,
Christian
Tina

Good job.
Tina
Guest

Thank you.

But maybe I should say... There really is no right or wrong way to do all this. I do hope to hear from others no matter how small of a suggestion you have. As I said I LOVE this tradition. So hearing about other ways would be a pleasure for me. whether you are just starting out, or truly an elder of the ways I wish to hear from any and all.
Regards,
Christian
brian1

Thank you, Christian, for your input on this ceremony. I would love for it to be like a wedding day (i will even wear the gown if required), with lots of Dommes in attendance. I will cherish the collar ceremony so much, having the collar placed on me like a blushing bride having the ring placed on my finger. After receiving the congrats from all the Women in attendance, i will be led over to the table where i will sign my cuckold contract for my Owner. My devotion and dedication will be complete and i will officially become Her property, to honor and to serve.

brian1
Guest

Brian-
Hey cool I got one person out of their shell. Just kidding. Yes that would be great to see! It is a very sweet and special thing indeed. It pleases me more than I can possibly say to see that at least some others hold this old tradition sacred. It seems to me this has become less valuable with the Internet. Don’t get me wrong the Internet is a good tool for most of us in the community to meet without fear of outing ourselves to ones we know. This is an important thing to those of us with professional lives and with family nearby and so forth.

Like you I love my collar for its symbolic meaning and just for the way it looks besides (it really is a pretty thing). It means a lot to me symbolically. By the way I did once loose it in an accident I was involved in and although I was holding on to it for dear life, it was still taken from me. So the actual original is long since gone which was traumatic on its own. But the new one (an exact duplicate thanks to some talented jeweler somewhere) still means the same exact thing to me.

Well I pretty much got way off topic with that little ramble talking about collars didn’t I?! Maybe that needs its own thread? Anyway thank you very much for your contribution Brian, it does bring a little different perspective to me.

Regards,
Christian
GentleDomme

I have never seen a collaring ceremony. But it does appeal to me. I know I will never get legally married again, ever. But I wouldn't mind having some kind of ceremony to honor the D/s relationship. Mine with my chosen sub or subs would be something small and simple. We would each write our own "vows". My subs would be only after approval of me, of course. It wouldn't be just the sub pledging himself to me, but me also committing myself to him. If that makes sense. Our close, D/s friends would be in attendance. And afterwords we would have a small reception. With all the subs, including mine, serving the Dommes. It would be meaningful and symbolic.

Kat
Guest

It is interesting to me to hear these things. I think that would be lovely as well Kat. I personally didn't feel the need for the state to be involved and know we were together. That is not any of the governments concern. But we had to for other reasons. Obviously the ceremony at home was much more important to us than simply signing some papers at the courthouse.

The vow portion of the ceremony is something I am most interested in. That is the portion I am not allowed to share though so I can't really ask for that can I? lol.

Regards,
Christian
GentleDomme

Christian,
Haven't really thought about any specific vows. I would write them at the time, and for that particular person. And basically, for me, it would be from the heart. Something deep and meaningful. Something that expresses the bond.

Kat
Guest

Very lovely. I certainly understand that.
Christian
HappyUnderHerControl

Thanks for the input.  Mistress and I have been considering review our vows, but then started thinking about blending that with a collaring ceremony.  Then, we started thinking about it being a collaring ceremony with a little vow renewal mixed in.  So I decided to search this site to see what I could find on such things, knowing it would be far more sensible than the general fare one finds on the Internet.

Like you, Christian, I'd like to see some more input from others who have had such a ceremony, but I also understand how deeply personal such a thing is.

Also, like you, my "collar" will probably consist of something that looks like innocent jewelry, but that we will both know the meaning of.
Guest

Hello HappyUnderHerControl. Well met my friend.

I have witnessed and been directly involved in a number of these ceremonies now, and I still maintain my interest in all aspects of it. I admit it was amazingly erotic when it was me in the ceremony. But I was younger then. Now it is strictly an interest of mine, that continues to grow over time.

If you don’t mind sharing, have you gone through with the ceremony? How was it done? Would I be intruding if I asked about your collar (another interest of mine)?

I understand very much how these things are a VERY private matter between an owner and her submissive, but if you are comfortable sharing anything at all, by all means…

Regards,
Christian

P.S. If you are uncomfortable in this venue, feel free to email me at Christian0539 at gmail dot com.
HappyUnderHerControl

Thanks for the interest, Christian.  No, we have not had the ceremony yet.  We expect to be relocating soon, and thus will probably wait until that point.

When we do, we will be happy to share the details here.
Guest

First of all it is about time you was back christian, now on to the subject, we decided that we didn't want all the claptrap and ceremony as it means the same however it is so I just made him squat before me, put it on, turned the lock and thats it, he can't get it off, end of but in saying that we do celebrate it.
Guest

I have to admit when I started this thread sometime ago, I had some rather different opinions about D/s than I do now. Especially since my mentor has now left from this place on Earth. She leaves behind quite a legacy (this is a very long story I shall not go into here), but one thing we as a couple have agreed on, is a lot of the secrecy our mentor wished for us to maintain, is quite unnecessary in this day and age. I love my mentor and miss her terribly, but we choose to honor her wishes in other more important ways. She was very clearly from the “old school” when it came to D/s. If one is to adapt and change with the world some of those things can go away. I still think a lot of the lovely older traditions still need to continue for us. I hope that they will continue on in this community for generations. But this one can go away now.

The reason for this is now days I highly suspect a great deal of the younger generation is learning about D/s strictly from the Internet. This bothers and scares me a great deal as I have said before many times. But I would be doing them a great disservice if I didn’t try a bit harder to let some things go. The secrecy of the time was a means of protection from nay Sayers and really even from civil and criminal penalties for our owners! ** But on the Internet? I hardly think it is necessary the secrecy, and my owner agrees.

So I think it may become necessary for me to be a lot more forthcoming about my own collaring ceremony someday soon with the moderators’ gracious permission. If not here, than it will certainly have to be elsewhere. So perhaps ones with any interest in the subject should like to watch this space, as it may contain further information on the subject. Perhaps not just mine, but also our submissive’s collaring ceremony as well with her permission.

And now let me just say hello again HappyUnderHerControl. Yes I would greatly appreciate any details at all on your upcoming happy event. Congratulations on that! I wish you many blessings on your happy union my friend.

Just purely out of curiosity (some may call it nosyness, but phoey on them), may I ask how long you have belonged to your (future?) owners? Are you… Married? If so, would you say that at last being “officially” a collared and owned submissive to your wife will be some relief? Or is it more that you have together grown into this lifestyle, and have found this ceremony interesting, and wish to incorporate it into your union?

Again on the collars: I have to say I much prefer the “low profile” indistinguishable collar type that your owner has chosen for you. Good for her, and really I was always told that one should keep a low profile about their lifestyle in general anyhow (see my above raving rant on the subject of secrecy lol). These days of course BDSM and somewhat to a lesser extent D/s is virtually mainstream, so the secrecy is hardly as necessary as it was a bit ago. There are of course still some number of things that we keep to ourselves as a community, but somehow I tend to not care for the very garish and openly obvious collar types. It’s just a personal preference.

I myself have just recently been honored to wear a new collar of my owner’s own design, and again it maintains a low profile (though a bit flashier than the last). But still if one in the lifestyle saw it, they would not think it a collar. The old collar is now retired and lives a life of luxury tucked away in a safe deposit box lol. However, if one saw the tattoo across my back, they would have no doubt about our choice of lifestlye lol. It is composed of the now universally accepted BDSM symbol in the colors of leather pride with my owner’s initials, and a few other things. Quite large, and if you want to be honest very flashy! But then I don’t make it a habit to go out without my shirt on, so still a good secret (and besides it was necessary to cover up some very ugly and embarrassing marks I have in that area). One might call that a collar of a sort I suppose as it may not be removed, and still denotes me as her property. Hmm… I’ll have to ask her about that!  

Now to you my friend LadyCaz, good day to you madam! And thank you kindly for the welcome. Er… I thought it wouldn’t be too long before I heard some admonishment from you for being gone lol. So with that, I formally offer my sincere apologies for my prolonged absence, madam.

Now I hope you won’t find it terribly rude of me, but it is just my personal opinion when I say that I would hardly refer to it as “claptrap” as you say. Again, it is only my very personal opinion, but I cherish my day of collaring and will continue to remember it warmly until the day I leave from this place to be sure. It is of such high regard in my owners household, that we in fact do not celebrate our wedding anniversary day at all (unless it suits our plans anyway) preferring instead to honor our blessed union on the day of my collaring (July 23, 1999, Yay!) instead. When I was joined with my owner, we had a very simple civil ceremony in front of the justice of the peace, and one witness. No family or friends at all. Instead our very few (at that time) D/s friends were invited to our ceremony directly afterwards, along with my mentor who oversaw the whole thing much like a pastor or priest would a wedding.. No family since they didn’t know at that time about us, but if we did it again, they may be invited. So that alone will tell you which ceremony we placed our emphasis on.

But just like with the western traditional wedding, everyone does it their own way, taking the traditions they prefer and leaving the rest. I would gather that you, my friend, would prefer a small semi-private wedding, to the “claptrap” of thousands of guests. Just as you chose a completely private ceremony for the other. Everyone has their own ways, and I am glad of your collaring ceremony of your own design, as that is the way it should be. Your absolutely right that it means the same no matter how it is done. I have always thought that it matters not how one goes about D/s so long as you do it your own way (and hopefully it comes with hearty portion of LOVE or at the very least respect for one another). In your case, clearly it is love, so good for you.

Though I admit I was a bit “let down” by the anticlimax when you two announced the collaring because it lacked all the formality and details I crave in my little (obsessive?) hobby of research on the matter. I know that you both were very happy over the matter, and especially your Jim was as giddy as a schoolgirl lol. I have little doubt that though it was very simple, your Jim will also remember that day fondly for the rest of his days! I DID love the setting for it though. Absolute perfection that bit! Amazing! If we were to do a reaffirmation again, we may just borrow from you and choose a similar setting. Maybe even in your neck of the woods?! Though flying our guests there would be horrendously expensive! Hmm.. Better not make such a suggestion as my owner would likely have a heart attack just thinking about it lol. Poor woman is stuck with such a brat of a sub lol.

Anyway, I must say that I think that your little pet is quite a good companion for you. You’re a perfect match! And for you two, I also offer my blessings and warm wishes, as does my owner.

Regards,
Christian

**I don’t mean to frighten anyone with that statement, so relax. I’ll go into that another time, just be careful if one practices BDSM and then has to go to the doctor with marks. If one says the right things as explanation, if asked, there is no worries. Otherwise don’t advertise your marks! Very dangerous trust me. I speak from personal experience, which was NOT fun. :(

P.S. Excuse my long post as per usual. Yes Christian talks a bit doesn’t he?! Especially about something he loves and cherishes.
HappyUnderHerControl

Christian wrote:
Just purely out of curiosity (some may call it nosyness, but phoey on them), may I ask how long you have belonged to your (future?) owners? Are you… Married? If so, would you say that at last being “officially” a collared and owned submissive to your wife will be some relief? Or is it more that you have together grown into this lifestyle, and have found this ceremony interesting, and wish to incorporate it into your union?


Yes, I am fortunate enough to be married to my Beloved Mistress.  I guess I considered myself to be "owned" by her from the day we got married back in the mid 90's, but it took her alot longer to think of herself as owning me.

Also, we had a pretty rocky marriage for many years due to things that had nothing to do with FLR.  I would say that we have really only embraced FLR together as a life-style, with her thinking of herself as my owner, in the last couple of years.

I wouldn't say that being officially collared will be any great "relief".  It's just something we would like to do to strengthen our relationship.  I think it would be very accurate to say that we have grown into this lifestyle together and would like to incorporate the ceremony into our lives.

Right now, we just have more urgent things going on in our lives.

Lady Caz wrote:
just made him squat before me, put it on, turned the lock and thats it, he can't get it off,


I have to say, that seems to fit your style very well.  While we would like a little more ceremony, complete with a strong a religious element, what matters with each couple is the commitment in their hearts and that whatever ceremony or pivotal event they used is meaningful to them.
Guest

Christian, I used the word claptrap I think in a local form meaning formal ceremony and celebration etc, myself an Jim share the view that things like this to us means more in private, to some they like the ceremony us we prefer it to be small and imtimate everyone has a view so it wasnt against the ceremony just our view and I think it is due to all the upset when we felt pressured to have a big wedding by both sets of parents when young as we wanted a quick register office thing with a few friends and knees up in the pub, we swore never again will we do what others think we should, which included refusal of christening for the kids as we both are none religious and decided they can choose themselves when old enough, and other such claptrap celebrations. Hope that explained.
prinzalbert

This is your post ...beautiful as it is an ideal !

GentleDomme wrote:
I have never seen a collaring ceremony. But it does appeal to me. I know I will never get legally married again, ever. But I wouldn't mind having some kind of ceremony to honor the D/s relationship. Mine with my chosen sub or subs would be something small and simple. We would each write our own "vows". My subs would be only after approval of me, of course. It wouldn't be just the sub pledging himself to me, but me also committing myself to him. If that makes sense. Our close, D/s friends would be in attendance. And afterwords we would have a small reception. With all the subs, including mine, serving the Dommes. It would be meaningful and symbolic.

Kat
                       Thank you Kat, for this past post, on collaring. I identified immediately with your statement here.  Thank you again..  Daniel
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