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Guest

Femdom Marriage - With Kids - When We Can Be Ourselves

My wife and I have been married 28 years this May.  

We have children so our private time can be random and most certainly not routine.

With this said our bedroom is the only real area of the house we can have complete privacy. I can show my wife how much I love her and how much I want to please her in our bedroom.

I love to serve as her completely submissive and to her amusement her feminized sissy house maid husband.  I completely enjoy preparing myself to appear as a proper housemaid complete with (6) different housekeeping dresses with aprons.  I shave myself smooth, do my nails and makeup and wear a pretty wig.  Underneath I wear very pretty lingerie and at least 4" Mary Janes Ankle Strap high heels.

When we travel or just go away for the weekend I also dress as her hotel house maid.  She has no problem sending me out of the room to get ice for the ice bucket, without a key, so I have to knock to get back in the room.  Many a time other guests have seen me but just ignore me thinking I am just the hotel maid.  We have a few favorite hotels that have floor to ceiling windows that can be opened to reveal a woman being attended to by her personal maid.

Being married almost 28 years to a Dominant woman has helped me learn to be very obedient to my wife.  She use routine and sometimes unexpected punishment to keep me in line and fully obedient to her wishes and desires.  As I mentioned, with kids in the house, immediate or on the spot punishment is not always possible.  We sometimes have to wait when the kids are out of the house, or we are alone and in the car going someplace, or out in a semi-private public setting like a park.

My wife does keep a gag gift in her purse which is a bald man's hairbrush which is effectively a small wooden paddle.  I have received this paddle in the back seat of our SUV so many times.  The windows are tinted and she can just tell me "You need my brush" and I will know to get in the back seat with her, pull down my pants and panties, and accept  a hard paddling.

She keeps a long handled bath brush in our bathroom for bedroom punishment every morning before she goes to work.  She likes me to kneel as she dresses and listen to her expectations of my service.  The bath brush simply impresses upon me her rules and I accept this 100%.
little_toto

Wow Leighanne...,
LUCKY YOU...!!!!
'n''>-
heat_sync

Wow! Congratulations! Best wishes and hope you've got to have lots of happy anniversaries to come!
licker4U

So, I assume your children are aware that you are spanked? They must hear the swats and your crying and/pleading? If they do know, how do you explain it to them?
Guest

Licker4u,
Actually there are a number of ways to keep things quiet and on "the down low” as they say. I wrote a thing one time on here about D/s and kids. Starting to think I have almost written a thing on everything lol. Not really.

Well for us the kids are a little aware of a few aspects of our relationship (I mean they do have to know some things if you are going to do poly anyhow). But the BDSM is private as it should be. Our play time does NOT take preference over kids!

I talked to a female slave friend a time back about kids too. She said that she had made it very clear with her new master that her kids would take preference. I applauded her her choice and her master as it happens was Very understanding and appreciated his new property even more for having the foresight and wisdom to make such a request. Good for her I say!

Oh but back to my point. There are a number of things that help to keep this thing we do a secret (that is what ball gags are for after all!). Oh and though I do not like canes for BDSM purposes they are rather quiet on their own, and some people do like them. I say they are quiet but again that is the cane itself not the sub lol. A crop can be quite yummy and relatively quiet. If all else fails you can wait till the wee hours of the night, or there are public dungeons or even a secluded place in the great outdoors. I must caution on this last bit. For goodness sakes don’t get caught doing BDSM! In some areas of the world you may be looking at some time in jail!  Not good for your mistress.

Regards,
Christian
Curioso

To me it's always inspiring to read about couples who raise a family and still practice FemDom.  Being a well trained husband for so many years has to be a good example for the kids.
Guest

Steve,
I often consider the nature vs. nurture argument in regards to D/s. I like to fancy myself "wired" this way from birth, but since I was raised in a D/s household that does put a doozy of a spin on my fancy lol. Anyway something to consider.
Christian
Guest

Then again... My dad was also raised as such and didn't know it until both parents were dead??? And I don't know what I am saying and way off topic anyway so nevermind lol. (I ramble Steve. You'll get used to it lol)
Christian
Curioso

Christian0539 wrote:
Steve,
I often consider the nature vs. nurture argument in regards to D/s. I like to fancy myself "wired" this way from birth, but since I was raised in a D/s household that does put a doozy of a spin on my fancy lol. Anyway something to consider.
Christian


Christian,

Raised in a D/s household?  That's intriguing.  What was that like?  My mother was the domineering type but there was no overt D/s/
Guest

Steve,
Yes 3 generations of D/s on my fathers side. Weird huh? The only reason I even know this is because my grandparents died and left some rather revealing artwork in the garage. I was the one that found it and pointed it out to my dad. It was a series of paintings (apparently done by my grandfather?). But all were of my grandmother in various forms of bondage. Not too revealing, but still bondage is bondage. Unfortunately I didn’t learn about their secret life until they were dead. I would have LOVED to learn more from them about the lifestyle back in the day! That wasn’t the only evidence I found that day, there were also some papers of the contract variety. I still have these (only since I never told my dad about these and kept them for myself). These are framed and in a discreet corner of my house where people will never see them.

A while after that, I learned of my parents involvement in the D/s lifestlye, and then revealed to them I was in it too! That was a long night! Lol. You would think that parents learning of your involvement would be more accepting of something they are involved in themselves. But to be perfectly honest, they had their own nasty experiences that I shall not go into here. They only wanted the perfect life for their son. Lol. My mentor at that time (now deceased, bless her soul) had to meet my folks once I told her of all this, and then let me tell you, I sure learned a thing or two about the “old school” ways that day!

But to answer your question, I was NEVER aware of my folks’ ways. Not till I was a grown adult, and by that time already out of my first D/s relationship (that went quite badly, and honestly I thought I was done with D/s). Oh there were subtle hints. I mean I did read “The Story of O” at around 12 years old (because I found it under their bed). I loved that story, and though it did reveal to me there might be other people like me on this world, it honestly never occurred to me that my own parents might be kinky (since they had the book under their bed). Odd reasoning huh? I was a kid with budding sexuality. So sue me! LOL.

There was no doubt as a kid who ruled the roost though. No doubt at all (my mother BTW). However my grandparents had the traditional D/s relationship (where the man is the D). So that is why I doubt very much the nature argument. Wouldn’t it follow the same sex? Nurture is my argument because I had those subtle hints my whole life.  

Anyway I have hijacked this thread enough. It is just funny you brought up the family thing. I haven’t ever read or heard of anyone that had numerous generations of D/s. Would LOVE to hear of that.

Regards,
Christian
kdpierre

Every situation is different. In my first marriage, my wife was very private and therefore our D/s lifestyle was a well-kept secret. As my kids got older we had those open sex talks and in them I left doors open without pushing. Neither my son nor daughter seemed interested in pursuing the discussion beyond the basics of safe sex, and I respected that. Even now as adults they sort of 'suspect' and I would be open if I felt they wished to know, but as such I am not "out" to my kids.

On the other hand, my girlfriend is totally open about everything. She has three kids and wishes that they learn that sex is just a part of life and nothing to be ashamed of nor something to ridicule others about. She discussed being open with them and I felt if she was comfortable with it, I was as well. We are in a small home and if we have regular sex, it could probably be overheard....but it is viewed as a natural thing that loving couples do....not something wrong or dirty to be saved for private times that would never come regularly enough. As a result of other discussions, her kids know a bit about our D/s relationship but nothing too overt. She just let it be known that she is to always be respected by me as well as them. There are also a lot of 'spanking jokes' 'playful threats' and 'teases' being made among all of us.......( "Don't make me get the wooden spoon!" is a joking tease everyone here uses on each other at one time or another. ) It is all just playful fun and feels very open and natural. Of course, we do not discuss the more intricate details of our sex life, but when they are older, should they ask, I am sure my Girlfriend will tell them.

If you demystify things...they lose their scariness. It's liberating to live this way.
GentleDomme

I can totally see what you mean. It would be wonderful to be able to be open about things.

Kat
Woody

Exactly, for years we were private about our relationship. The boys suspected, I'm sure because they would both comment at times on how Dad always did whatever Mom wanted, lol. It wasn't until they grew up and got married that we became more open about it. One of my daughter-in-laws knows pretty much everything and she teases me about it sometimes. At first it was embarrassing but I'm used to it now. In fact she will ask LadyNan something like "do you mind if I get Woody to do this or that" around the house. My son works out of town for a week then home for a week so she's always needing help and I'm it. I don't mind cause I get to spend more time with the grandkids, lol.
kdpierre

I know what you mean, Woody. My situation is a little different in that she and I are open to questions from her kids, but selective and responsible in what we say to each one since they are all different ages and all are unique in what they want to know and what they are ready for. They know we love each other and see us openly affectionate. ( kids will tease about this at the time, but in all honesty they like knowing their mother is happy, loved, and being taken care of.)

As for the D/s aspect, other than seeing me regularly massaging their Mom's feet, and seeing how she just hands me lotion when she wants a footrub and acts like  my compliance is expected, the only specifically 'kinky' detail they are aware of is that I get spanked if I misbehave. Having this little detail made 'public' was a much bigger deal for me than it was for my girlfriend.........or even her kids. The oldest (boy) thought it was funny, but no big deal.....and very consistent with what he knew of his Mom's personality. The youngest (boy also) who is a bit of a budding spanko himself, and loves to have his bottom smacked when rough-housing with his family.......just sees me as a fellow comrade of sorts. He is the only sibling who at times gets a genuine smack on his rump if he pushes his Mom too far. She does not use corporal punishment as such on any of her kids, but he sometimes needs the threat ....or one quick swat from her......to help him mind his attitude. He therefore sees me as the one other person in the household who can expect the same fate for the same offense. The middle kid (girl) is the most interested one. When this all first came out, the boys smiled and thought it was funny but quickly went on with their video-game-centric lives. She had a lot of questions for me.....so with her mother's permission, we talked.

I basically told her that this was a game certain people liked to play and that nothing was happening to anyone that deep down they didn't want. I explained that despite being a consentual game, there were aspects that merged with real life and meshed with how each individual felt about being in charge.

We discussed 'fairness'. Kids have a strong innate desire for life to be fair. It certainly didn't seem fair that her Mom could make a mistake and just apologize and be done, but that I might well get a hard spanking for the same offense. Or that her Mom could make me follow her rules in my own house...or suffer painful consequences. I told her that when people play like this they have to be brutally honest with themselves over who they are......and which side of a spanking they feel most right being on. I joked to her that I gave up on 'fair' a long time ago....and she laughed. (she'll still repeat that phrase when a situation prompts it.)

We also talked about how it felt to be the "one who gets it", and I confessed that it was obviously a lot easier for her Mom to come out and say that she spanks her boyfriend than it was for me to admit it was true, but that the embarrassment associated with being the one spanked is natural to the way we view things. I told her that I just accept that embarrassment as part of the choice I made in the role I accepted and she understood that very well. She could easily see that even though admitting to engaging in spanking might be considered weird by many folks, it was a heck of a lot easier to claim to be the one doing the spanking and a lot harder to admit to being the one spanked.

We also discussed the spankings themselves and I was surprised that she had no problem learning that the spankings her Mom gave me were real punishment spankings just like a kid would get from their Mom rather than some playful roughhousing. Given our whole discussion she said it made sense that they would be, with a smiling nod and expression that conveyed not just understanding, but bemused approval.

Ultimately I explained the serious side and that despite our open attitude about this, the outside world was not always as accepting and that I and her mother did not want the entire world to know. She undertood. Finally I concluded by asking what she made of all this now that she knew and she just honestly admitted that while it might not be common, it wasn't too strange anymore, that there were lots of jokes and references to it in the media. And that for her Mom and me...it seemed an ideal arrangement.

For a few days after that talk, she teased me a lot until the novelty died down.  But now, if it is known that I am to 'get it' or recently 'got it', she's the one who'll team up with her Mom to tease me in baby-talk voices: "Is your hiney sore? Do you need a pillow?" But it's never mean and we all laugh even if I am blushing.

Anyway, I've gone on too long already, but my point is that since they all know, I do get teased at times even though we are all close and they treat me with considerable respect and affection in every other instance. It would be unreasonable for me to think that kids would not find my situation amusing and since their Mom teases, they tease as well......but never in a mean way.
sos

Wow very cool dkpierre, glad you can be so open.

I don't think I could ever be quite that open, but some people have an inkling. There are subtle hints that are dropped that sometimes are picked up and sometimes not.
kdpierre

Subtle hints are a great way to safely 'test the water'. You may find that one day a hint is picked up on and your next  interaction with that person may end up quite revealing.

I have always been open with friends and I have several who know. If the person is receptive....or perhaps even fascinated.....you'd be amazed at how blithely the acceptance comes. But it all depends on your audience.

Remember: "Know your audience." is the first rule of comedy.......and being a spanked adult is a pretty comic thing to most people...even ourselves. (except when it's happening, of course...though I have laughed and ouched through many a spanking as well).
Woody

kdpierre wrote:
I know what you mean, Woody. My situation is a little different in that she and I are open to questions from her kids, but selective and responsible in what we say to each one since they are all different ages and all are unique in what they want to know and what they are ready for. They know we love each other and see us openly affectionate. ( kids will tease about this at the time, but in all honesty they like knowing their mother is happy, loved, and being taken care of.)

As for the D/s aspect, other than seeing me regularly massaging their Mom's feet, and seeing how she just hands me lotion when she wants a footrub and acts like  my compliance is expected, the only specifically 'kinky' detail they are aware of is that I get spanked if I misbehave. Having this little detail made 'public' was a much bigger deal for me than it was for my girlfriend.........or even her kids. The oldest (boy) thought it was funny, but no big deal.....and very consistent with what he knew of his Mom's personality. The youngest (boy also) who is a bit of a budding spanko himself, and loves to have his bottom smacked when rough-housing with his family.......just sees me as a fellow comrade of sorts. He is the only sibling who at times gets a genuine smack on his rump if he pushes his Mom too far. She does not use corporal punishment as such on any of her kids, but he sometimes needs the threat ....or one quick swat from her......to help him mind his attitude. He therefore sees me as the one other person in the household who can expect the same fate for the same offense. The middle kid (girl) is the most interested one. When this all first came out, the boys smiled and thought it was funny but quickly went on with their video-game-centric lives. She had a lot of questions for me.....so with her mother's permission, we talked.

I basically told her that this was a game certain people liked to play and that nothing was happening to anyone that deep down they didn't want. I explained that despite being a consentual game, there were aspects that merged with real life and meshed with how each individual felt about being in charge.

We discussed 'fairness'. Kids have a strong innate desire for life to be fair. It certainly didn't seem fair that her Mom could make a mistake and just apologize and be done, but that I might well get a hard spanking for the same offense. Or that her Mom could make me follow her rules in my own house...or suffer painful consequences. I told her that when people play like this they have to be brutally honest with themselves over who they are......and which side of a spanking they feel most right being on. I joked to her that I gave up on 'fair' a long time ago....and she laughed. (she'll still repeat that phrase when a situation prompts it.)

We also talked about how it felt to be the "one who gets it", and I confessed that it was obviously a lot easier for her Mom to come out and say that she spanks her boyfriend than it was for me to admit it was true, but that the embarrassment associated with being the one spanked is natural to the way we view things. I told her that I just accept that embarrassment as part of the choice I made in the role I accepted and she understood that very well. She could easily see that even though admitting to engaging in spanking might be considered weird by many folks, it was a heck of a lot easier to claim to be the one doing the spanking and a lot harder to admit to being the one spanked.

We also discussed the spankings themselves and I was surprised that she had no problem learning that the spankings her Mom gave me were real punishment spankings just like a kid would get from their Mom rather than some playful roughhousing. Given our whole discussion she said it made sense that they would be, with a smiling nod and expression that conveyed not just understanding, but bemused approval.

Ultimately I explained the serious side and that despite our open attitude about this, the outside world was not always as accepting and that I and her mother did not want the entire world to know. She undertood. Finally I concluded by asking what she made of all this now that she knew and she just honestly admitted that while it might not be common, it wasn't too strange anymore, that there were lots of jokes and references to it in the media. And that for her Mom and me...it seemed an ideal arrangement.

For a few days after that talk, she teased me a lot until the novelty died down.  But now, if it is known that I am to 'get it' or recently 'got it', she's the one who'll team up with her Mom to tease me in baby-talk voices: "Is your hiney sore? Do you need a pillow?" But it's never mean and we all laugh even if I am blushing.

Anyway, I've gone on too long already, but my point is that since they all know, I do get teased at times even though we are all close and they treat me with considerable respect and affection in every other instance. It would be unreasonable for me to think that kids would not find my situation amusing and since their Mom teases, they tease as well......but never in a mean way.


Good post.... very well written.
Curioso

kdpierre wrote:
I know what you mean, Woody. My situation is a little different in that she and I are open to questions from her kids, but selective and responsible in what we say to each one since they are all different ages and all are unique in what they want to know and what they are ready for. They know we love each other and see us openly affectionate. ( kids will tease about this at the time, but in all honesty they like knowing their mother is happy, loved, and being taken care of.)

As for the D/s aspect, other than seeing me regularly massaging their Mom's feet, and seeing how she just hands me lotion when she wants a footrub and acts like  my compliance is expected, the only specifically 'kinky' detail they are aware of is that I get spanked if I misbehave. Having this little detail made 'public' was a much bigger deal for me than it was for my girlfriend.........or even her kids. The oldest (boy) thought it was funny, but no big deal.....and very consistent with what he knew of his Mom's personality. The youngest (boy also) who is a bit of a budding spanko himself, and loves to have his bottom smacked when rough-housing with his family.......just sees me as a fellow comrade of sorts. He is the only sibling who at times gets a genuine smack on his rump if he pushes his Mom too far. She does not use corporal punishment as such on any of her kids, but he sometimes needs the threat ....or one quick swat from her......to help him mind his attitude. He therefore sees me as the one other person in the household who can expect the same fate for the same offense. The middle kid (girl) is the most interested one. When this all first came out, the boys smiled and thought it was funny but quickly went on with their video-game-centric lives. She had a lot of questions for me.....so with her mother's permission, we talked.

I basically told her that this was a game certain people liked to play and that nothing was happening to anyone that deep down they didn't want. I explained that despite being a consentual game, there were aspects that merged with real life and meshed with how each individual felt about being in charge.

We discussed 'fairness'. Kids have a strong innate desire for life to be fair. It certainly didn't seem fair that her Mom could make a mistake and just apologize and be done, but that I might well get a hard spanking for the same offense. Or that her Mom could make me follow her rules in my own house...or suffer painful consequences. I told her that when people play like this they have to be brutally honest with themselves over who they are......and which side of a spanking they feel most right being on. I joked to her that I gave up on 'fair' a long time ago....and she laughed. (she'll still repeat that phrase when a situation prompts it.)

We also talked about how it felt to be the "one who gets it", and I confessed that it was obviously a lot easier for her Mom to come out and say that she spanks her boyfriend than it was for me to admit it was true, but that the embarrassment associated with being the one spanked is natural to the way we view things. I told her that I just accept that embarrassment as part of the choice I made in the role I accepted and she understood that very well. She could easily see that even though admitting to engaging in spanking might be considered weird by many folks, it was a heck of a lot easier to claim to be the one doing the spanking and a lot harder to admit to being the one spanked.

We also discussed the spankings themselves and I was surprised that she had no problem learning that the spankings her Mom gave me were real punishment spankings just like a kid would get from their Mom rather than some playful roughhousing. Given our whole discussion she said it made sense that they would be, with a smiling nod and expression that conveyed not just understanding, but bemused approval.

Ultimately I explained the serious side and that despite our open attitude about this, the outside world was not always as accepting and that I and her mother did not want the entire world to know. She undertood. Finally I concluded by asking what she made of all this now that she knew and she just honestly admitted that while it might not be common, it wasn't too strange anymore, that there were lots of jokes and references to it in the media. And that for her Mom and me...it seemed an ideal arrangement.

For a few days after that talk, she teased me a lot until the novelty died down.  But now, if it is known that I am to 'get it' or recently 'got it', she's the one who'll team up with her Mom to tease me in baby-talk voices: "Is your hiney sore? Do you need a pillow?" But it's never mean and we all laugh even if I am blushing.

Anyway, I've gone on too long already, but my point is that since they all know, I do get teased at times even though we are all close and they treat me with considerable respect and affection in every other instance. It would be unreasonable for me to think that kids would not find my situation amusing and since their Mom teases, they tease as well......but never in a mean way.


Really super post, and thanks so much for sharing.  It's truly wonderful that you can be so open, and it probably makes the FLR experience more enjoyable.    The fact that your relationship is happy and loving and your girlfriend is taken care of so well really sets a good example for the kids.
Jimmy

marriage

I think you can be yourself all the time
The kids and everyone else just understands that Mommy is in charge
and handles punishments  and rewards
decides when things are to be done and how
really not that hard !
and that you are also subject to that


Jimmy
DarkWolf

Jimmy
You still have to shield the kids from some of it, I don't think it would do anyone any good if they went to school and said " Daddy does the housework while walking around naked at home, and Mommy beats him if he doesn't do it right"


Just don't think the teachers are going to understand that one... LOL
kdpierre

Since we are into a lot of BDSM activities, we actually shield the kids from the majority of it. Most of those activities are too sexually explicit for kids their ages. Still, when older, if the subject came up, we would very likely share those facts candidly. Right now the bit they are aware of is playful and easy for them to understand. (Just about anyone of any age can understand what a spanking is.)

One person commented that the kids know there is love and caring involved and that is the key. However, I thought about this a bit more and figured that the fact that the relationship we have is structured the way it is might make this work better for us than it might for someone in a true nuclear family. Since I am not their biological father, it might be easier for them to accept all this. And furthermore....in all honesty....it probably helps that I am the submissive partner. I wonder if kids would embrace the D/s dynamic as readily if it was their Mom being spanked by this 'other man'. As it is, this arrangement is playful on one hand, but also puts their Mom in a safe position of authority where they need not worry about her and can even feel happy that she is put on a pedestal (for a change).
rockynook

Darkwolf, I fully agree with you. The children, no matter what age, should be shielded.
My children are in their 30's, and we continue to hide our FLR.
Quite frankly, what Mom and Dad do, or anyone does, in the privacy of their home is nobody's business.
We (My Goddess and I) enjoy what we do, and that is all that matters.
SlaveForJ

Hello

 we are new.to this and have young children both under 8 and all they have noticed so far is that i will drop whatever Im doing at a moments notice and do exactly as she asks with no question.( for the first part of our marriage i was the typical selfish man only worried about my needs and they definitely saw.that they were not listening talking back and so on) it is good.for.them to see.my.compliance. Now they are starting too listen better cause they see me listening too and respecting my wife.... Love the site and hope this helps a.little
MsNaydi

What a couple do sexually, and that spanking kink is indeed sexual, is not the busuness of your children. Of any age.
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